If I’d tell you I loved you, you’d wouldn’t know what to do.
So I tell you I adore you, I care but do my words faze the wall you’ve placed between us?
But, I often wonder if you see the pain on the other side; can you see how lonely I’ve become.
Sometimes I see things as one sided, sometimes I wonder if I matter anymore.
Noiseless void. A scream that will never be heard, forever lost. Everyone around us was sinking or swimming while we gently floated away on waves of grey. As the waves washed us over, crashing our bodies and weathering our hearts. At first the water was warm and now we can’t feel anything anymore, the tips of my fingers are blue and a beating heart slowly starts to fade. I see the world in your eyes. I want you to live and laugh, smile and grow. The water gets violent and murky. It seems we are drowning. I love you, please don’t die on me. As the tides pull us under; our lungs like a broken foundation, collapsing. With what’s left in my lungs I give it freely to you, I breath the remainder of my life into you as ascend from my grasp into the light above the waves. My body limp and lifeless. The bottom of the sea my tomb as my body corrodes. My body died that day. My soul rests with you. My happiness, my dreams, my love…..they now…..live within you. You are the voice that I lost in the void.
The lights are dimming and my sight is getting blurry. We lead our lives in an opaque fog in search of answers that we will never find. Lost in a forest of anxiety and doubt. I wonder at what exact moment the pretty world you created shattered. The soil is soft beneath my boots. As I glide among the rocks and roots. I search for someone, anyone. I want to be found. Its been so long, running through this maze, I can’t remember anything about who I am. Remember the faces you loved so much but don’t forget the monsters behind the mask. The eyes are simple to deceive but the heart is the easily blinded. The cold breeze caressing the grooves and craters of my body reflecting the interior of my being. I search for the happiness I long for. I curl on the forest floor in defeat, the earth is warm. I ponder. Why do I search for something that I can create myself. The earth opens her mouth as the sun finally seems to set. Maybe life isn’t about answers. Maybe its the little things in between, the differences you make. In depths of who I am. It is finally feels warm.